Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
