Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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