P.S. I can't hear my feet
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
