If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
