I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
