So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
