ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
did i just pee glitter
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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