Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
