I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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