Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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