I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
