so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
