420 ftw
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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