two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i will never coherently bang her
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
