I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
