She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
