five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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