Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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