my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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