i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
