I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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