so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
