And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
