dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
