Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Someone came in the potted fern
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize