highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
