Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
