The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
