Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
