Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
