That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
