he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
