I think I died a long time ago.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
