I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
