so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
