i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
