Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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