he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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