My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
