cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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