JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
