today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
