im drinking this country out of the recession.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Randomize
