Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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