Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
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