theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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