There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
