grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
