i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
