dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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