she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
