you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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