hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize