Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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