I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Someone shit on the floor
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Randomize
