They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
