So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
