So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
