I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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