ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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