somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
