just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
