you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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