thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
