yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
