My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize