i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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