GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
be right there i have to get my cape
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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