my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
